


He Said Her Name Like A Vow

by SpaceBitch



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Thorne's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:37:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5777128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceBitch/pseuds/SpaceBitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on Thorne's POV in Winter. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Said Her Name Like A Vow

Thorne had adapted pretty well to navigating the world while being blind. Smacking things with his cane just to get around didn’t even bother him anymore. Part of him thought, After all this time, all I’ve survived while blind, if necessary, I think I could almost get used to this.

Then he would hear Cress speak, and the frustration would grow. All he could remember of her was a small, scared, pale girl with absurdly long hair. He wanted to see who she was now. He wanted to see her expressions when he spoke to her. Most of all, he wanted to see her smile. He’d never seen her smile before.

He’d called her into his room, excited that the solution was finally starting to work, when he’d seen it. Her silhouette. It was barely anything, but it was still something. It made him even more impatient to see her. He was endlessly frustrated that this girl had become so important to him, and he’d never even seen her face. Not really.

It was the frustration speaking when he’d let slip, “One of these days, I just want to open my eyes and see you.” 

Dammit. He kept doing that; saying more than he meant to. Flirting with Iko and Cinder was practically instinct, but it was so much harder for him to maintain the carelessly flirty façade around Cress. More often, he let a line like that slip out.

Attempting to cover up, he laughed and said, “I mean, and everyone else too, of course.”

Which was partially true. He was curious to see Iko, and the emperor, and the annoyed expressions on Cinder’s face, but they were afterthoughts. He just wanted to see Cress.

The next few mornings he woke up, eagerly looking around to see how his sight had improved, and there was an increase in detail each day. It took a remarkable amount of self-control to put the blindfold back on, but he reminded himself that he didn’t want his first image of Cress to be a blurry mess.

Finally, he’d woken up and everything was fairly crisp, if a little distorted, like that one time he’d gotten his eyes dilated. It was enough.

He’d tried not to run to the cargo bay, where all the voices were coming from. He could easily pick out Cress’s voice now.

There she was. Bent over a crate. He heard Kai say, “He better plan on giving all this stuff back.”

“Sure I’ll give it back, Your Majesticness. For a proper finder’s fee.”

Cress turned toward him, and he figured he would probably never get used to looking at her.

Her eyes, first of all. He remembered them being blue, and he’d awkwardly asked Iko one time what color her eyes were to confirm it. But they looked at him, confused and huge and so blue, blue like the ocean that she always talked about wanting to see. And he hadn’t seen the freckles before, but they were drawn out from the week she’d spent in the desert, and he thought that when she described constellations to him she shouldn’t have left out the most beautiful one, sprinkled right across her nose. Her face was faintly pink, and he wondered if it was the sunburn, lingering after all this time. But the biggest difference was obviously the hair. It was wavy and golden and framed her face adorably, but it no longer distracted from her. The hair, he realized, was the reason he couldn’t remember the rest of her. He’d only focused on the giant tangles. But now, all he could focus on was her. Drinking in every aspect of her—

Oh, he should say something. Something safe. Something unsuspicious.

“The short hair,” he said, tampering the smile that was fighting to appear. “It works.”

She fiddled with the ends of it, and he had an image of her wrapping the long strands around her wrists.

“Oh! Captain! You can see!”

He didn’t convert his attention to Iko until she was practically already on top of him. She barreled into him and he laughed.

“Iko?” she’d described herself to him at length, but this was obviously his first time really seeing her. She was the kind of stunning, indisputable beauty that he’d always imagined himself ending up with, and yet here she was right in front of him, and he couldn’t stop thinking about Cress. Wanting to look at Cress. It was like in the desert, when he swore the next time he saw water, he would never stop drinking it. Having not seen her for so long, he never wanted to stop watching her.

“Aces. I really know how to pick them, don’t I?” He was glad the body was so beautiful, so completely Iko.

Cinder said something sarcastic, which was touching, since she was obviously glad he was better. Thorne leaned against Cress’s crate, sensing her freeze and feeling her gaze on him, but he was looking determinedly at Cinder. She looked much better than the last time he’d seen her - still mysteriously dirty - but with this weird glow about her. It probably had something to do with the attractive young emperor standing only feet away from her.

Naturally, Thorne began goading her, glad to see that legendary synthetic eye-roll. Half his attention was on Cress, who was stacking cans in her arms.

Kai grinned. “How come no one told me I had such steep competition?”

Cinder glared at him. “Don’t encourage him.”

They were adorable .

Cress spun toward the main corridor, and without even needing to look, Thorne grabbed the can that fell off the top.

She was looking right at him, flushed. He couldn’t help but study her, one more time, trying his best to commit her to memory.

He transferred his focus to the peaches. “Lightning-fast reflexes. Still got them.” He began grabbing cans from the stack. “Want help?”

“No-thank-you-I’ve-got-it.” He words were a rush, her face turning deeper pink. Why was she blushing? Was his staring too obvious?

“All right.” He put the cans back. “If you insist.”

As soon as she left, the conversation became serious. He was listening, but also wondering what was taking her so long.

When she finally came back, he couldn’t help but glance at her, but she didn’t look his way once.

 

* * * * *

 

When Scarlet had been kidnapped, everyone of course missed her, and felt terrible for Wolf. But his moaning all the time… Thorne hated to think it, but it was a little annoying. No one knew what to say or do around him, and they all avoided random trigger words like red or tomato or hoodie. He didn’t understand it.

That is, until they lost Cress.

He didn’t know if she’d been shot, or kidnapped… and she was a shell. They couldn’t manipulate her or glamour her, which did not make him feel much better. That meant their hatred was triplefold.

His friends had to practically drag him to the maglevs, and he couldn’t silence his thoughts for all the world. He’d saved her once before. Why would the universe take her away from him again?

The first time, she’d been taken because of her naivety. Now, she was gone because of her bravery. Thorne’s fists clenched as he ran. Why couldn’t it have been him? He was much less necessary to their plan, anyway. He was so much less important.

He slumped onto the train, misery filling his thoughts. There would be no reason for them to keep Cress alive. There was practically no hope.

He’d only been able to see her for a few days, and she was gone again. He was regretting having committed her face so faithfully to memory.

Every time he closed his eyes, she was looking at him, sad and scared.

The next few days passed painfully and boringly. With the constant reminder that their plan was essentially at a standstill without Cress, it was impossible to forget her. Cinder was getting hopeless. Wolf was his usual sad-broody. Even Iko was depressed by their sad living conditions.

Until Wolf found Scarlet.

Seeing Wolf and Scarlet together, so absurdly happy just to be in each other’s arms, made Thorne happy for Wolf, but gave him a bitter pang in his chest. He wanted to know that Cress was okay.

With Scarlet had been the absurdly beautiful princess. She was such a physical opposite to Cress, with her ebony hair and dark skin and golden eyes—for a moment, looking at her, he’d been able to forget about Cress, because nothing in Winter’s face reminded him of her. But then he felt a strange spark of guilt, and after he’d traced its origins, he realized it was because of Cress. Because he was finding someone else beautiful. It was absurd, but he couldn’t get rid of it.

Wolf and Scarlet, grossly in love, had not helped his mood. That is, until Scarlet had forgotten about Wolf’s dreamy eyes long enough to give them the message from Cress.

It had been too short, but Thorne soaked in every moment. The sight of her, unharmed, not even one-less-finger-for-wear like Scarlet had been. She was alive, and more or less safe. She was alive, but trapped in the castle. She was alive, but the man who had betrayed them once before was her only protection.

She was alive.

The worry didn’t go away, but the grief did. She was alive, and they could find her. He was a little miffed that if it weren’t for her own heroism, he could have been with her right then, but he supposed that was probably why he loved her so much.

He froze, and chastised himself. He couldn’t keeping thinking things like that. She didn’t love him back anymore. She never had, really, and she probably never would. He had to accept that he’d chosen the life of a wanted criminal, and heroes like Cress didn’t go for criminals like him.

Hope bloomed in his chest anyway. Cress Darnel was alive, and he would find her.

 

* * * * *

 

“CRESS!”

Thorne whipped his head at the sound of Iko shouting her name. There she was, engulfed in a hug from Iko, but staring at him. He stared slack-jawed only for a moment, before he bounded forward and wrapped them both in a hug. As soon as Iko stepped back, he grabbed her face and examined it, wiping away a tear. He wanted so badly to believe it was her, but self-preservation kept him from getting his hopes up, until—

A laugh. “No crying,” she said. “It’s dehydrating.”

He remembered when he’d said the same thing to her in the desert, and wrapped his arms around her again, needing another hug for himself. “It is you. Thank the stars.”

 “When I say we should go, I mean now.”

Thorne released Cress and turned to the sound of Jacin’s voice. He remembered how he sold them out. How he didn’t make Cress leave with Scarlet and Winter. He remembered a promise he’d made, and gave him a quick, practiced punch to the jaw. Cress gasped.

“That’s for selling us out on earth,” he said. But it didn’t feel like enough. He could feel Cress behind him, safe, and knew it was at least in part because of him. So he said, “And this is for taking care of Cress,” and pulled him into a hug. Stars, when did he become such a touchy-feely person?

They caught Jacin and Cress up on the fact that Cinder and Wolf had been kidnapped, just as a video announcement was made that Cinder was about to be executed.

They were too late.

 

* * * * *

 

After rescuing her from nearly drowning and doing maintenance on her brain (it was still weird to think about), Cinder was more or less good as new, and it was determined that the revolution had to start from the inside.

Cress had to get into the palace security system by pretending to attend the coronation, and Thorne had made it very clear that she wouldn’t be going in without him. He couldn’t trust anyone else to do what was necessary to keep her safe; besides, Cinder and Jacin were too recognizable, and Iko’s wires and missing finger weren’t exactly inconspicuous.  
So, the day of the coronation, Cress and Thorne walked arm in arm straight into the palace, dressed as ridiculously as possible. Thorne was amazed; all it took was a light-up bowtie and a tutu for them to sneak in. At least New Beijing Palace had been a little bit of a challenge.

When Thorne had apparently seen a beautiful women who was really a man, Cress had said, “Try to keep in mind that they can make themselves look however they want to. No one in this palace is as beautiful as you think they are. It’s all just mind control.”

Grinning, Thorne squeezed her closer to his side. “I’m fairly certain there’s at least one exception to that rule.”

It was true. Even in the ridiculous butterfly costume, she was pretty adorable. But she just rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah. Thaumaturges.”

He laughed and let her go. How absolutely un-Lunar she was, to be so modest and unpretentious.

A strange blooming sensation erupted in his chest, and he paused.

Cress was to his left, draped in a doorway, smiling at him in a way that made his knees go weak.

“I thought I sensed an Earthen boy,” she said, strolling closer, tracing his bowtie and trailing a finger down his chest. He seemed to light on fire where she touched him. What was she saying? He couldn’t tell. Couldn’t hear. He was simply mesmerized by her overwhelming blue eyes. “And a well-dressed one at that. What a lucky find.”

Was she still talking? Why was she still talking?

Cress wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing even closer. She smelled strongly of flowers, which wasn’t quite right, Cress smelled like lemon shampoo—

But every single thought flew from his mind as soon as her lips found his.

He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, wanting to eradicate any distance between them, as her hands gripped his hair, pulling him towards her.

That blooming sensation just grew and grew. He wanted her. He needed her. He kissed her even harder with every thought that pressed into his skull. This was his Cress. Why hadn’t he kissed her like this before? He was Carswell Thorne. What was he so scared of?

Eventually, though, Cress pulled away from him. She fluttered her eyelashes in a way she never had before, and said breathlessly, “You’ve been wanting that awhile, haven’t you?”

Yes. It was as if she’d read his mind. It would only be Cress, always be Cress, and what was he waiting for? Prompted on by the affectionate look in her eyes, he said, “I think I’m in love with you.”

It was exactly what she’d said in the desert all those weeks ago, only she’d been delusional. Right there, he had never been surer of anything. He was in love with Cress Darnel.

“Oh, aren’t you just darling? And not a bad kisser, either. Maybe we can enjoy more of each other’s company later?”

Later? Where was she going? Suddenly, Thorne was distracted with the world spinning on its head. His emotions were ripped from him and he was righted, left only with the confusing, lingering memory of Cress’s body in his arms.

What was happening? Where was he? He shook his head in an attempt to clear it. What had Cress said? I thought I sensed an Earthen…

Comprehension dawned. It hadn’t been Cress at all, just a Lunar illusion. So where was the real Cress?

“Cress?” he asked, trying to claw down the panic, but when there was no response, he shouted, “Cress!”

“I’m here.” she said. There were no confusing, world-spinning emotions forced upon him at the sight of her. Just the regular, quick skip of his heart.

“Spades. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. That was—”

“I don’t want to know.” She stormed down the hallway. Yup, this was his Cress.

“Whoa, hey, hold on.” He chased after her. “Are you mad?” It occurred to him that she would have no idea who that Lunar had looked like to him. Which was good… wasn’t it?

“Why would I be mad?” She threw her hands in the air angrily. “You have the right to flirt with and kiss and proclaim your love for whoever you want to. Which is good, because you do. All the time.”

“So… you’re jealous?” he teased. He couldn’t help it. She had no idea she was acting jealous of herself, in a sense. It was Thorne’s favorite kind of ironic.

“You do realized that all she wanted was to get a laugh at your expense, right?”

He chuckled, totally unconcerned. “Yeah, I get that now. Cress, wait.” He grabbed her elbow and forced her to look at him. “I know they can’t do it to you, but the rest of us can’t choose not to be controlled by them. She manipulated me. It wasn’t my fault.”

“And I suppose you’re going to say that you didn’t enjoy it?”

He opened his mouth, but then remembered the feeling of Cress’s—no, the Lunar’s—hands in his hair, and hesitated. “Er. Well…”

She ripped her arm out of his hand. “I know it wasn’t your fault. But that doesn’t excuse everyone else. I mean, take Iko!”

“What about Iko?”

She dropped her voice an octave, imitating Thorne. “I really know how to pick them, don’t I?”

He chuckled, remembering the first time he’d seen Iko. “It’s the truth, isn’t it? Her new body is gorgeous.”

She glared at him, making him immediately regret his words.

“That was clearly not the right thing to say. Sorry. But I’d just gotten my eyesight back.”

“Yeah, and all you wanted to look at was her.”

He blinked, and suddenly realized what her words meant. She was actually jealous jealous, of the Lunar that looked like her, and of their android friend who’s body he’d purchased. He was sure he'd been incredibly obvious about all the glances he’d stolen of Cress when his eyesight was still a novelty, but apparently her un-Lunar modesty had prevented her from noticing them.

He wanted to say something, but miraculously, he could think of absolutely nothing, when Cress said, “Never mind. Let’s just—”

“Pardon me.”

A palace guard, whom neither of them had noticed, blocked their path. Thorne grabbed Cress’s elbow to keep her from falling.

“We’re asking that all guests begin to make their way to the great hall so the coronation can begin without delay. Please proceed this way.”

Thorne calmly pulled her away, smiling. “Of course, thank you. We must have gotten turned around.”

As soon as they rounded the corner, Cress yanked her arm out of his hand, which stung a little, but he didn’t protest. This hallway was quieter than the main corridor, and Thorne said, “Stop here.” Thankfully, she did, and he backed her against the wall, trying to make it seem like they were having a private conversation, except that Cress had clenched fists and was staring directly ahead.

He sighed. “Cress, I know you’re upset, but could you pretend not to be for a second?”

She shut her eyes, and when she opened them, they looked up at him playfully.

He raised an eyebrow. “That’s uncanny.”

The expression remained as she said bitingly, “I’m a girl too, you know. I may not be as pretty as Iko, or brave like Cinder or bold like Scarlet—”

“Wait, Cress—”

“And I don’t even want to know what dumb thing you said when you met Princess Winter for the first time.”

Thorne clamped his mouth shut, remembering how he had demanded she drop her glamour because she was so beautiful.

“But I’m not invisible! And yet you flirt with every single one of them. You’ll flirt with anyone who so much as looks at you.”

“You made your point.” He wasn’t chuckling anymore. Didn’t she see? She was just too… important to give a suggestive comment or flirty wink to. He could only think in extremes around her. Either he was making out with her Lunar counterpart, or avoiding eye contact. He couldn’t constantly dance around the lines like he did with everyone else.

“This is what you were trying to tell me, wasn’t it? In the desert. When you were going on and on about how I’m so sweet and how you didn’t want to hurt me and… You were trying to warn me, but I was too much of a… a naïve, hopeless romantic to even listen to you.”

His eyes softened. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” But he had. He’d gone and been himself, and now Cress was hurt, about to cry.

“I know,” she said, crossing her arms. “It’s my own fault I’ve been this stupid.”

He flinched. Stupid to trust Thorne not to let her down. He looked around, to look anywhere but at Cress, and saw the hallway was mostly empty. Guards would be coming to clear it soon. Reaching around her, he pulled open a door behind her and ushered her inside.

They stumbled into a greenhouse of sorts, with desks and sofas and green plants everywhere.

“Good. I thought I remembered seeing something about an atrium. We’ll wait here until the halls clear. I’m hoping we can cross into one of the servant halls and avoid any more run-ins with guards for a while.”

Cress stepped away from him, taking in a large breath. Thorne thought about all the cutting things she’d said, and he knew they should give him pause, but in reality, they were filling him with hope. He’d thought she was over him. She knew the real him better than anyone he’d ever met, and he thought this was enough to dissuade her love from him. But clearly, he’d been reading the signals wrong.

“Cress… listen…” he brushed his fingers along her wrist, but she jerked her hand away.

“Don’t. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, staring intently at her neck as she pretended to inspect some flower. Thinking.

She’d had every chance to run and hide from him. But she hadn’t. After all this time… Was it possible?

He wanted to say something. Anything. Everything. He wanted to stop this stupid guessing-game dance they were doing and put everything out in the open. But he waited for her to speak first.

“How long are we waiting here?” she asked, not turning around, voice shaking.

He checked his portscreen. “A few more minutes, just to make sure they’ve rounded up the slower guests."

She nodded, still not turning.

He sighed again. She clearly had no idea what Thorne was thinking, but she thought she did. “Cress?”

She shook her antenna-bobbed head, finally turning around. “I’m all right. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

He leaned against the door, with that tingly feeling he always got before he did something with equal chances of being stupid, or brilliant.

He looked at her, thinking that talking had gotten them into this mixed-signal mess. He needed to send a message that couldn’t be misinterpreted.

“All right,” he said, finally. “I don’t want to talk about it, either.”

He crossed to her in four long strides. She backed into a desk, saying, “What—?”

He lifted her onto the desk, pressing her into the giant plant behind her, and cut her off with a kiss.

He put everything into that kiss. Every single glance, stray thought, useless fantasy—every moment that had built up their relationship was pressed between them. She immediately kissed him back, just as hard if not harder than him, and he wondered how he could have ever mistaken that Lunar’s false feelings for this. At the memory of the Lunar, he pulled her closer, closer, her knees wrapping around his hips as he moaned, pulling her even closer.

Kissing had always been a strong suit for Thorne—communication, not so much. He tried to combine the two. He tried to say, It’s you, It’s always been you, I love you, Cress, there’s no one but you—

Finally, Cress broke away, gasping for air. He slipped his arms gently around her, trying to control his erratic breathing. There was some satisfaction to see her trembling, proof that she was just as affected as him by the hurricane that had passed over them.

“Cress.” He said her name like a vow.

She placed a hand on his chest, giving herself some space to breathe. “This…” her voice caught. “This isn’t what I wanted.”

It took his dazed mind a moment to process her words, before he pulled back. So he’d been wrong. He’d been an idiot—

“I mean it is. Obviously, it is.”

Relief flooded him, and he grinned at her, teasing once again. Obviously. Obviously, it was.

“But… not just to be another girl. I never wanted to be just another one of your girls.”

The smile dropped. She really didn’t know? “Cress…” How to make her understand. How to make her see that she’d been the only girl from the second they’d met?

He took a deep breath. “She looked like you.”

Her eyes snapped up to meet to his. “What?”

“The girl in the hallway, the one that kissed me. She looked like you.”

“That’s ridiculous. She was brunette, and tall, and—”

“Not to me.” He tucked a strand of her hair behind an ear. “She must have seen us walking together. Maybe she saw how I looked at you or something. I don’t know, but she knew… She made her glamour look like you.”

Thorne could see her remembering how he must have looked, probably half-mad with desire.

“I thought I was kissing you,” he said against her mouth, brushing her lips with his. She grasped at his lapels and pulled him closer, and he made no arguments.

Only, a moment later, she pushed away again. “But… you told her you loved her.”

He froze. He had said that, hadn’t he? They’d only just had their first kiss, and he’d told her he loved her. He was diving in too fast. Panic suddenly clawed at his throat. He needed to get back to the surface, and fast, before he drowned.

He’d been quiet too long. He gulped. “Right. That. I mean, I was… we were—”

The door banged open, simultaneously saving and stopping Thorne. They weren’t supposed to get caught. He wasn’t supposed to have told her he loved her.

At the moment, however, there were more pressing issues.

**Author's Note:**

> Not terribly original, but I couldn't stop wondering about what Thorne must have been thinking in all the scenes from Cress's POV. This is my first ever posted fic, so please be nice and leave kudos :)  
> I may continue with the rest of the scenes in Winter if I feel like it (also what even is formatting)


End file.
